Sad news, Cara news, waiting news and a wedding!

This week I learned that another little girl, an orphan in Eastern Europe, died, waiting for her forever family to come and get her. She had been chosen, and her family was rushing through the paperwork to bring her home. Orphans die every day. This is not news. It is horrific news, but nothing new. It is truly heartbreaking, and just a bit more when you know the family and have seen photos of the child they are rushing to adopt.

Little Susanna was only 6 years old. She had spina bifida. She rarely, if ever, left her crib. She never felt the warmth of the sun on her face, or felt the wind in her hair. She never smelled the deliciousness of spring, or felt the excitement and exhilaration of fresh, cold snow. And she never felt the love of a mommy and daddy as they snuggled her little face against their necks and whispered how much she was loved in her ear. No one to tuck her in at night, read her a story, laugh with her, and cry with her. No one.  Today my family will celebrate Susanna’s life here on earth and find comfort in knowing she is now in the hands of Jesus, whole and healthy, and able to run and play. I take comfort in knowing the scent of spring is far more delicious in heaven than it is here, and the colors far more vibrant. Knowing there is no more pain in a back that was never repaired, and that she finally feels the love of The Father, also gives me comfort. Run fast, little angel! Take it all in! Laugh, and play as you never could before. You will be missed, but your family will meet you there and you will know how loved, cherished and valued you really were down here in this broken world.

Cara continues to blossom! She is speaking English almost exclusively, throwing just a few words out now and again in her native language. She is learning letter recognition and sounds, as well as number recognition and counting. We are not doing anything too structured at this time, just having fun with it and using real life “teaching moments.” She loves to play school and write and copy letters in her books.

The weather has started to get better, so we bought her a bike with training wheels last month. Daddy had to get out and teach her how to pedal and brake (she is still working on that concept) and it is her new love in life! Every morning she gets up and looks outside to see if it’s raining or if the sun is shining. If the sun is out, she runs through the house in absolute excitement yelling “Bike! Bike!” I am always amazed at how little it takes to bring joy to this little girl. The things we’ve had all our lives and take for granted are truly amazing experiences for her. I wish I could have taken video of the first time she saw the stars! She had gone out with daddy to take the dogs out and came running in yelling, “Mama! Stars!!” She took me by the hand out on the deck and with eyes wide tried so hard to count them. When she first saw a full moon she was speechless! And for this child to be speechless…!

I am amazed at how well she is adjusting. She is an absolute sponge for love and so willing to love back. She’s also quite adept at the fine art of manipulation, stalling, and laying on the guilt. If she is not listening to me and I have to get a bit stern with her to make her understand that I’m serious in my request, she now says with fake tears, “Mama no like Cara!” The first time she said that she really got me. I was mortified! However, when I was telling Ron about it later that evening, she laughed and repeated what she said. She got me, once, but not again! My response to that now is, “I love you, but I don’t like your behavior.” I may be slow, but I’m not stupid!

A tantrum is so rare now it takes me by surprise when it happens. There is no longer any violence in the tantrum. She is learning self control, and learning to trust our love. Seeing this happen has been an overwhelming experience for me. Watching the trust develop over these few months isn’t something you realize until it’s there. It is nothing short of a miracle at how fast she has come to trusting and having faith that we will love her and take care of her.

I have enjoyed watching her as she has learned to play. Not just with us, but with her toys, especially her babies. Watching her nurture them, feeding, holding, and loving them is a great indicator of how she is feeling nurtured herself.

She is finally getting all the necessary dental work done on Friday, June 7th. She did not receive any dental care in the orphanage, and consequently she needs major work done. She has to have two abscessed molars removed, spacers put in to hold their place for her adult teeth, a crown, five fillings and her teeth cleaned. In order to make this as easy as possible on her, and get the work done all at once, she will be hospitalized on an out patient basis and the work will be done under anesthesia in the O.R. As much as I hate the idea of her being under anesthesia, it is necessary to avoid the trauma of multiple dental visits and Novocain. The two bad molars have been hurting her a great deal the past two weeks, and she is currently on antibiotics to quell the infection and ibuprofen for the pain. We’ve been told she will feel so good after the surgery and experience little to no pain at all because the root system in the baby teeth is so small. I pray they are right and she will come home ready to eat again. She’s struggling right now because the bad molars are on both sides.

We have news about Emma, but we still wait for someone in her country to do what is best for her.  I can’t remember if I mentioned that last December another family had started their paperwork to adopt our little girl. We were heartbroken that she may not come home to us here, but overjoyed at the same time that she would be released from her prison crib and have a family. That was our wish for her from the very beginning. We did not stop our process and lawsuit to have her placed with us because we were unsure how quickly the other family could get to her.  There is also the possibility that the family will reject the child when they travel to meet them, and refuse the referral This is exactly what happened when the family went to meet Emma. For some reason they rejected her and she has once again been listed on the government website as “available.” I have very mixed emotions over this. It saddens me that the family did not see her value and potential, her perfectness in the eyes of God. But it sure gives me reason to believe that she is coming home to be Cara’s sister, and our second daughter. It has been a little over a year now since we first put in our paperwork to be matched with Emma, and were turned down. It makes me sick that this child has been confined to a crib for 6-8 additional months because we were turned down. She would have been home with Cara if all had gone as expected. Home receiving all the therapy she needs to get stronger and develop. That this child was used as a pawn in the sick game of a corrupt government angers me to the point of physically shaking! Their sick game affected Cara’s homecoming too. She waited longer as we waited on the courts to see if we could bring them home together. Both girls should have been home by Halloween of last year. The positive side to this is Emma has now had 3 failed attempts at a family. I know that doesn’t sound positive, but it should certainly make us OLD people look better in the eyes of the government!  The one and only family that has stood strong in the desire to bring her home and love and cherish her is us. The family her government says is “too old” to be adequate parents for her. They feel she is better off being transferred to an adult mental institution where 85% of these children die within their first year, than being loved by older parents. Insanity at it’s finest. Maybe now they will be a little less insane and do what is best for this child and allow her to come home to older parents who will love and cherish her.

Children’s House International, our U.S. agency has asked our attorneys in country to approach the IAC and once again ask them to reconsider our request to adopt Emma. If they are successful, we will not have to go to court on June 5th and should receive a referral shortly. If that happens we may very well have this little girl home before Christmas! What a gift that will be!

Because of this news, we have again entered the realms of “crazyville.” This past week I’ve been rushing to get the paperwork finished to get our home study updated. Updates for  our background checks faxed to the appropriate agencies, financial report filled out, and  appointments for both of us to update our physicals. Everything our home study agency needs to get the update done and approved and once again off to USCIS!

My beautiful, beautiful daughter, Alexandra married the man of her dreams on Saturday, May 25th. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding, and she was a stunning bride. Her happiness and joy that day were so evident in her smile and in her eyes. Was it hard for me to see my “little girl” get married at 18? Yes!! But, I believe she is happy, and that makes me happy. The hardest part was watching her and her new husband, Derrick, drive away on Sunday to their new home in Oregon. Derrick took a job with the railroad and they will be living in Eugene once his training is finished. Having her so far away is terribly difficult for this mama! I miss her every day, but am so grateful for technology and my ability to skype with her! I wish the two of them a lifetime of happiness and joy! And a couple of grandchildren someday for me to spoil! 🙂

 

 

Thought I’d update what little I know…

I haven’t posted here in awhile because there hasn’t been much to post. We are still battling for Irina. At some point soon the Supreme Court will hear out case and make a decision. We have faith they will overturn the ministry’s decision to deny us the adoption of Irina. When that happens, our file will be returned to the ministry for an official referral. And then we begin all over again. We will have to travel to visit her for 5 days, then come home and wait for i800 approval, our article 5 embassy approval, a signature from the minister, and then a court date to finalize the adoption. She will have to wait another 4 to 5 months after our visit to come home. By that time she will most likely be 3 years old. The longer this little girl waits for her mother to hold her close, the longer it will take for her to recover from the severe neglect she has received. My heart breaks every time I think of the delays her government is forcing her to go through. I know God has a plan and His timing is perfect, but it is hard to accept when there is an innocent child waiting, and waiting and waiting for the love she needs.

We are waiting for a signature from the minister on Cara’s adoption. She is the bright spot through all of this. We should get the signature this week or the week after. We pray we will get our court date in early January, and bring her home in February. I write to her every other week to keep her updated, and help to prepare her for her move and new family. I can imagine how frightened she is at the prospect of all the changes. I know I would be!

Orphan Sunday 11/4/2012

‎”Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.” (David Platt)

 

Waiting now for Article 5

I’m not even sure what an article 5 is, but we need one, and I think it is the document that has to be signed by the government in country before our adoption can be finalized in court. Whatever it is, we need it, we need a signature, and then we need a court date. Still praying we will travel to pick Cara up in February.

We met our daughter!

We were notified on September 28th that we needed to be in Europe on October 7th to meet our daughter. I didn’t have internet access in country, so kept a journal, which I will post to the blog. To say this was an emotional trip is an understatement!

Thursday and Friday, October 4th & 5th

We left for the Spokane airport at 7 AM for our first flight west to Seattle. From there we boarded our second flight, and flew east, across the US and onto Frankfurt, Germany. The flight to Frankfurt, was brutal with Ron and I sandwiched between two other gentlemen who were blessed enough to get the aisle seats. The flight was more than 10 hours and thankfully, we were both able to sleep a little. We arrived in Frankfurt sometime in the morning, and then boarded another flight to our final destination. Three flights and 24 hours later we landed in country where we were met by a taxi driver to take us to our hotel. We (I should say *I*) over packed AGAIN, and our luggage had to be stuffed in the front seat of the cab as well as the trunk.  In my defense, there was only half a trunk available for luggage as the car had been modified to run on propane, and the tank was in the trunk.

My experience with foreign drivers has always been wild and crazy, and this was no exception. The driver sped in and out of traffic, getting right up on the bumper of the car ahead of him, and then swinging across to lanes of traffic and back.  I was positive we were all going to die! J The driver was quite a character! He had a large JVC MP3 player filled with old rock and roll music from the late ‘50’s to mid ‘60’s. He sang along to Paul Anka, Elvis, the 4 Seasons, Frankie Avalon and many more. Songs from my very early childhood and before.  Ron and I joined in the singing, forgetting the near death experiences of the wild ride to the hotel.

Once at the hotel, we were able to finally stretch out and sleep for a bit. We were now in a time zone that was 10 hours ahead, and it was only 2 PM when it should have been midnight, the day before. We should have been sound asleep at this time. We both napped for bit before venturing out to eat dinner and see a little bit of the country we were now visiting.

Our room was very old world décor with heavy draperies around the windows, and a heavy brocade bed spread. There were two sleeping areas and the bathroom, and a small area with a chair. Each little area had a very small balcony with views of the apartment (flats) buildings that were 7 stories high. Each flat had its own balcony where the residents hung their clean laundry was to dry. The buildings were old and crumbling, and looked as if a small earthquake would cause them to crumble down like dominoes.

Across from the hotel was a large mall, where we went to look around and get an idea of prices. Being in the capital city made prices seemed extreme, even to us. Gucci, Prada and expensive Italian clothing stores greeted us, as well as a large toy store. The mall was compact, but four stories high. Just like home, there was a food court with McDonald’s, KFC, Subway and Dunkin’ Donuts.  Burger King couldn’t compete with McDonald’s, and had recently closed.  We bought Cara a Minnie Mouse game at the toy store and headed back to the hotel.

Dinner that night was at the hotel, and though good, the food was fancy and more than we wanted. The following night we ate at the food court at the mall. The food was all familiar, pork, eggs, chicken, potatoes and vegetables; just cooked a bit differently. It was very good, and thankfully, the menu was also printed in English. .  One of the best things about the food was the FRESH vegetables! The restaurant had home grown tomatoes, cucumbers, and zucchini, purchased from locals that were amazing!  Tomatoes do not taste like that at home! I couldn’t eat enough of them while we were there. There was a huge blue and yellow Macaw in the corner of the restaurant, preening and molting and chattering all through dinner. He was not caged, just out in the open on one of those large tree-like looking branches inside a sand box. We went to bed right after dinner, unable to stay up any longer.

Saturday, October 6th

There are no clocks in the hotel room and we had no cell service, so our only source of telling time was with my computer. We did not have to get up early, but I think the human brain has a need to know the time. Ron and I slept well, but we both checked the time periodically during the night.

We both slept until 8 AM, even on the uncomfortable mattress. The need for sleep was so great I think we could have slept on the floor without too much discomfort.  We brought electrical converters for the computer and my hair appliances, making sure we purchased the step down variety to limit the voltage, but still, my hair dryer blew up and filled the little room with smoke. I managed to get my hair somewhat styled and we went downstairs to the restaurant for the breakfast that was included with the room. You must get up early to eat the “free” breakfast! There was a small buffet with fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, many varieties of cheese, hard boiled eggs, pastries, and one remaining fried egg congealing in a warming pan with nothing under it to keep it warm. We enjoyed the other items, leaving the lonely egg for another adventurous soul.

We walked back to the mall in the afternoon, to buy areplacement hair dryer. Malls in Europe are very different than the malls here in the states. We are very spoiled being able to go to Wal- Mart or Target and pick up just about anything we need at one store. Most of the shops at this mall were specialty shops; one store for beauty products, another for toys, another for watches, another for clothing, and at least 3 different cell phone stores! I don’t know what possessed me to walk into an electronics store, but that’s where the hair dryers were. This store sold anything with a plug! We were lucky enough to find a young man who spoke a little English and before long we were heading out the door with a new hair dryer/styler and flat iron.

Ron and I were still suffering from the effects of jet lag, so we went back to the hotel and napped.

Sunday  October 7th

We both woke up excited and anxious at the same time. We were meeting our translator/attendant, Miglena, at noon and taking the long drive to the orphanage to meet Cara. We had breakfast at the restaurant again, then packed and got ready. As we were struggling with our oversized luggage, we were approached by a very pretty young woman asking “Julie?” She offered her hand, but I gave her a huge hug instead. We were going to be spending the next 6 days together, so there was no reason for such formality.

The ride to the orphanage was a long 4 ½ hours. The countryside was beautiful, and we traveled through many villages on the way. We were all tired when we arrived at the only hotel in the town. There was no elevator, and we had to haul all of our luggage up 3 flights of stairs to get to our room. Did I mention I had over packed? J The room was clean and bright, but very stark. Everything was white, and no pictures on the walls. There was no shower enclosure in the bathroom, just a showerhead hanging on the wall. It made for interesting showers. We had to remove all the towels and toilet paper before showering because showering soaked the entire bathroom! We met Miglena for dinner in the hotel restaurant later that evening, and found the menu and foods were really not much different than food here. Prices were very reasonable now that we were no longer in the capital city. We had a light dinner and went to bed in anticipation of our meeting with Cara at 9 AM the following morning.

Monday, October 7th

The BIG day! Neither of us slept very well that night because we were so anxious about the trip to the orphanage and meeting Cara. We were very excited, yet very nervous at the same time. We didn’t know what to expect at all, and had no idea what she’d been told about us.

After breakfast, we took a cab to the orphanage. The town was small, with more crumbling buildings, built on a hill. The orphanage was at the end of town, tucked out of the way, in a remote location. We arrived at the gate shortly after 9 AM and went inside to meet with the director before being taken to Cara’s group playroom. We learned there were only 12 children remaining in that orphanage, and it was due for closure soon. The remaining children would be moved to foster type homes, or moved to another orphanage sometime over the next year. Cara had been told the week prior that we were coming and each time she saw an airplane, she asked her caregivers if that was our plane, so she was anticipating our visit. When we were finally led to the room where she was sitting with the rest of the children, she turned and ran towards us, stopping a good 5 feet before she got to us. She knew we were “mommy and daddy” but had no concept of what that meant. I was absolutely shocked at her tiny stature. I had seen her medical file, and knew she was small, but until I actually saw her, I hadn’t fully wrapped my head around it. She will be six on November 17th, yet she was the size of the average American two year old. We were led to another private room, a room that used to house another group of children, and now unused. She was very shy and reserved until I pulled out a bottle of purple, glittery nail polish and by hand gestures, offered to polish her fingernails. She smiled and we sat down at a child’s table and chair set and got busy. We had brought a carry on suitcase with clothes, shoes, and some games to share with her, and she was overwhelmed. Miglena translated for us, asking if she wanted to try on some of the pretty clothes we’d brought for her, but she ignored us, just looking at the items. We let it go and got out the Minnie Mouse game we’d purchased at the mall. The game consisted of 4 Minnie Mouse paper dolls, all their clothing and shoes, a pet and purple die. You roll the die, and match the number on the die to a corresponding item of clothing. The person who finishes dressing Minnie completely wins the game. We never got as far as playing the game as she was fascinated with the purple die. She grabbed that off the table and held it tight, refusing to let go. We finally put the rest of the game back in the box, and Miglena showed her how to spin the dice. She wasn’t able to make it spin, so they started rolling it back and forth to each other across the table. After she got comfortable with that, Miglena rolled the dice to Ron and he and Cara played a version of table hockey back and forth for close to an hour. She is able to focus completely on what she finds fun or exciting, with no desire to quit and try something else. So our first morning consisted of rolling a purple die back and forth across the table. At one point when Ron had the dice, I took out the photo book and showed her the photos in the book. She leafed through the book over and over, turning each page methodically as I told her everyone’s names and their relationship to her over and over. She never spoke, just smiled and giggled a lot. At 11:30 the caregivers came to get her for lunch and her nap, and we left to find our own restaurant to have lunch.

We walked down the windy roads to the city center, looking for a restaurant Miglena felt comfortable eating in. Ron had traditional meatballs for lunch, I had “chicken in a pot” which I thought would be like a pot pie, and Miglena ordered a salad. We also had their specialty bread, which was incredible! We ordered the meat version and the cheese version and they arrived piping hot, and tasting very much like pizza without sauce. It was so very good! The chicken in pot was very similar to a pot pie, but there was no crust or topping. It was filled with chicken, carrots, peas and mushrooms and arrived in a mini crock perched over a flaming Bunsen burner. Miglena was thrilled to see the flame go out. The meal was delicious!

After lunch we went to the local toy store and bought Cara a baby doll. She had seen one of Hallie’s dolls in the photo book and immediately pointed out the baby. Miglena asked her if she wanted mama to buy her and baby doll, and her little face lit up as she said “DA.” That was the only word we got out of her all morning. So we were on a mission to find that little girl a baby doll. The toy store had several, all interactive! I wanted something very basic, a doll and bottle. The least interactive doll they had was one that laughed, cried, and said mama and dada when you pressed her hands and feet. She also made sucking noises when you put the bottle in her mouth.

We arrived back at the orphanage at 3:15 PM and Cara was brought to us fresh from her nap. She was beyond thrilled with her baby doll. Once we got it out of the box, she immediately put the bottle in the baby’s mouth and gave us a huge smile as she listened to the baby’s sucking sounds. The baby bottle fascinated her. It was one of those bottles that looked as if the milk disappeared when the baby drank, then refilled when you set it down. She would feed the baby, watch the milk refill, feed the baby, watch the milk refill, look at the nipple area to see if she could figure out where the milk went, and then desperately try to take the cap off the bottle to visually see what was inside. She even tried drinking the milk herself. The inquisitive look on her face and need to figure it out was priceless to watch. We then showed her how to make the baby talk, laugh and cry, and we spent the next 2 hours listening to all the sounds as she methodically pressed her hands and feet, over and over, in the same order. Sometime during the afternoon, she decided to choose one of the outfits I’d brought her, and change her clothes. I later tried to distract her from the baby with some broken toys in the corner of the room, and was finally able to get her to come with me to sit on the floor and have a make believe tea party. Her baby doll was never out of touching distance and we listened to the sounds that baby made until we left! Miglena was sure we were all going to dream that night of sucking sounds!

Tuesday, October 8th

We arrived at the orphanage again at 9:15 and waited in the same room while Cara was brought to us from her group. She seemed genuinely pleased to see us, and went immediately into showing us what a great baby she had and the noises it made! I gestured for her to sit in my lap, which she did willingly, and took out her photo book to look through her pictures again. The first photo I’d put in the book was a photo of Ron and I together. As soon as I opened it, she said, “Mommy, Daddy!”  The next two photos were one each of Ron and I individually, and she pointed to our faces and identified us as mommy and daddy. As we went through the book, I named everyone, and she repeated everything I said like a little parrot. She didn’t really know what she was saying, but she repeated everything. I was incredibly impressed. There was no accent, just a perfect repetition of inflection and tone. Miglena got it all on video for us. The morning visits were only 2 hours long, and they passed very quickly. Before we were ready a caregiver was leading her off to lunch and a nap.

We hiked back to the city center for our own lunch, stopping once again at the toy store for something different we could entertain her with. We found some very inexpensive sets of play food and dishes, so brought that back with us in the afternoon. Cara was happy with the new toys, but it was still obvious the doll had truly captivated her. We included the doll in our little tea party and she enjoyed learning a new way to play.

The orphanage nurse came in during our tea party to give us a copy of Cara’s daily schedule, the current week’s menu that included daily nutritional information, and some medical information. She could not find any information that indicated Cara had an official diagnosis of Cystic Fibrosis, and said the only medication she was taking was an over the counter digestive enzyme during her 3 biggest meals. We were encouraged with that information, thinking she must have a very mild case.

We left a little earlier that evening. Cara seemed tired and a little over stimulated, so we left early so she could play with her friends and tell the caregivers all about her day.

Wednesday, October 10th

Today we were taking Cara for her visa photo. We arrived at the orphanage, and Miglena told her we were going to take her to the town center to get her photo taken for her trip to America in a few months. We put her in the dress we’d brought, combed her hair, and put her jacket on. Cara was acting a bit nervous, so Miglena was trying to calm her and explain that after the pictures we were coming back and she would have lunch with her friends. I don’t think she fully understood. She continued to act a bit distressed, made sure to grab her doll and bottle, and followed us to the cab but you could see she was not happy. The director went with us, so she got in the cab, but when we stopped downtown at the photo place, she literally freaked out. She started crying and didn’t want to get out of the car. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I am guessing she thought we were taking her off to America, and not back to the orphanage. It took me awhile to calm her, but her visa photo is ANYTHING but happy! She has this huge pout on her face, and absolutely refused to smile. We had a little time before lunch, so we walked a few blocks with her after the photo shoot, and found another toy store. Suddenly her fears were pushed aside as we went inside. We took her over to the shoes, and let her pick out a new pair. We found a puzzle we thought she’d enjoy, a hair dressing play set that included those plastic high heel shoes the girls love, medium sized bouncy balls to take back to the other kids, and Cara also chose some bubbles.

When we returned to the orphanage, the other children were outside playing, and Cara proudly announced to them “We brought balls for you!” We had purchased 7 balls, 6 to share with the children, and one special one for her. She was excited to share this with them, carefully giving out the balls and hanging onto hers. Everything went downhill from there. The other children wanted her ball, and that made her angry. She wanted to show them her bubbles, but they took over, spilling the bubble solution. That also made her angry. The more upset she got, the wilder the rest of the kids got. My heart ached for all those little faces! They had never had anything special just for them, and they wanted some of the action. Cara was willing to share, but only if they looked with the eyes. It was really more bragging, than sharing! We finally hustled her inside to put her things away, leaving the other children playing happily with the new balls.

We opened the play set for her, and she put on the heart shaped glasses and high heels immediately. Ron showed her how to use the pretend hair dryer, mirror, hair spray, etc. She loved the glasses and high heels, but showed minimal interest in the comb and hair styling items. Before long, she was led away for lunch and her nap.

Our afternoon visit was quiet. We introduced her to puzzles, which she resisted in the beginning. Miglena thought it was because it looked too hard, but once Ron showed her how to lock the pieces together, she started helping. He would find a matching piece and show her where it went, allowing her to snap it into the other piece. Before long there was a finished puzzle and she was happy with her success. She and I started a little sticker book with the stickers I’d brought along, and she really enjoyed that, loving the finished product. We left when they came to get her for dinner, and she asked if we were coming back again in the morning. Once reassured we would be back, she would waive, say “ciao-ciao” and head happily off to dinner.

Thursday, October 11th

We again arrived at 9:15, and waited in the separate room for Cara to be brought to us. She was willing to change her clothes, having worn the same outfit for 3 days, and then brought out the food set, preparing a nice tea party for us all. We played ball with her, and I touched up her fingernail polish, adding little flowers to decorate the top of her nails. All too soon she was led off again for lunch and her nap.

When we returned for our afternoon visit, we played with the puzzle, had another tea party, and added the last of the stickers to her sticker book. Shortly thereafter, she heard the children go outside to play, and indicated she wanted to go play with them. We had her change out of the high heel shoes, and had Miglena ask her to put her things in a bag for safe keeping while we went out. She put everything in the bag except her sticker book. I hand gestured for her to put the book in the bag, knowing the other children would grab it from her and tear it apart. It was just a little 3 x 5 spiral note book that we’d pasted all the stickers on and it was not going to survive 11 sets of hands grabbing for it. She held it close to her chest, telling me no, and Miglena explained we would not go outside with the book. If she wanted to keep the book we’d stay in, but if she wanted to go out the book had to stay inside. Welcome to the dark side! LOL! It became obvious this little girl was not used to being told “no” and very used to having things her way. She went straight into melt down mode, crying and screaming, and stomping her feet. Miglena tried to calm her as Ron and I sat across the room, watching this whole thing play out. We’ve raised 6 children between us, and this was nothing we had not seen before. Miglena talked, Cara screamed, we chuckled, admiring her spirit, but knowing if we relented, it would just get worse when we brought her home. So we continued to wait, she continued to scream and as expected, one of the caregivers came running to make sure we weren’t beating her. She saw us across the room from Cara and Miglena, ran to Cara and immediately started to coddle and coo to soothe her. Once Miglena explained what she was upset about, and knew we weren’t mistreating her, she talked Cara out of the sticker book and took her outside. Cara was not happy with us at all at that point. Ron and I played with the other children while she stuck close to Madeira, the caregiver that rescued her. Miglena suggested I paint the girls fingernails, but the boys were not going to be left out!  So all the children, boys included, went to dinner with deep purple, glitter fingernail polish! Cara came over briefly to have me touch up her nails, but was pretty much done with us for the day.

Friday, October 12th

This morning we had to get up very early in order to make it to the notary office to have our acceptance papers notarized. There was only one notary in town, and it is not as simple as it is here in the states. Notaries in this country are highly educated, almost to the status of attorney. The process is long and boring. We were the first ones there, and it took an hour and a half to get three documents notarized. I was truly dismayed as it cut deeply into the last short hours we had to spend with our daughter before heading back to the capital city that afternoon.

We didn’t arrive at the orphanage until a few minutes after 10 AM. As we walked in, Cara was with Madeira heading out. She took one look at us, started screaming, pulled away from Madeira, and tried to run in the opposite direction. The visit disintegrated from there. Madeira took her by the hand and led her back into the room we’ve been using for the visits all week. Cara cried and cried, hanging onto Madeira as if her life depended on it. She refused to come anywhere near us, or look at us. Miglena tried to get her to tell her what she was upset about, but she wouldn’t answer. If I got close enough to touch her she cringed and cried “NE!” (no) She did tell Madeira she wanted to go with the children to collect leaves. It seems they went on a walk to collect leaves for a project. She was angry about that. We all offered to take her to get her own leaves, and she continued to cry. Holding desperately to Madeira, we went outside to the yard to find pretty leaves. We left her alone, although I did capture some of the distress on video. Madeira continued talking to her, trying to soothe her, but she was having none of it. Miglena, Ron and I wandered in the opposite direction looking for leaves to give her. I found some beautiful small maple leaves turning red and orange as well as some purple leaves. I also saw a weed that had stalks of pretty purple flowers blooming. I picked those for her too. Cara had finally stopped crying when we got far enough away. We followed her and Madeira back to the orphanage room, and I set the leaves on the table next to Madeira’s and offered her the flowers. She refused to take them, refusing to even look at me. Miglena asked her if she wanted to show Madeira how well she was doing with her puzzle, and she agreed to that. Daddy is the one that works the puzzle with her, so he got it out and they started to put the pieces together. About 20 minutes into the puzzle, another caregiver came and got Madeira to help get lunch ready for the children. As soon as she got up to leave, Cara again melted down. She ran furiously towards the door to run after Madeira, but Miglena stopped her. She tried to calm her again, but got frustrated as Cara’s hysterics increased. I told her we needed to let her go, that obviously she was too distressed, and she needed the comfort of those she was most familiar with. We forced ourselves on her long enough to kiss her good-bye, and Miglena led her off to the lunch room.

I can only surmise that Cara was fearful we were going to take her with us on Friday and she was not yet prepared to leave the orphanage yet. I felt so bad for her and the fear she was facing. We had considered waiving our visit trip and just going later to pick her up, but I am so glad now that we did go, giving her time to get to know us a little, and also time for the staff to prepare her for the day she actually will leave. The thought of her distress still brings tears to my eyes, but we know she will adjust with time and love.  Difficult as it may be to remove her from what she knows, we both know it will be better for her in the long run.

We should return to pick her up sometime in February. Until that time we can write to her through the two agencies and send her photos. Hopefully, this will also help her comes to terms with leaving the orphanage and embracing her new family.

 

Where are the “Adults”?

Psalm 72:4

He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; he will crush the oppressor.

On the 2lst, the IAC and the MOJ suggested to our facilitator in EE that we chose another child, a healthier child, and closer to Cara’s age, to have added to our adoption. They said they understood we did not want to raise Cara as an only child, and would be willing to approve a healthier child. We asked to add a 4 year old little girl with no special needs other than normal institutional delays to our adoption. We were again denied. Now it is personal. This has nothing (and we’ve learned never did have anything) to do with our age, and everything to do with a show of power. We appealed to their sense of compassion  for a little girl who desperately needs a family, and they have now determined we are nothing but trouble, nothing but a huge boil on their butts, and to show us, they will not allow us to adopt another child. It is a sad, sad situation when adults act like the children they are supposed to be protecting.  A group of adults who sit and determine which of these children can have a family, which ones cannot. A group of adults who play God, deciding which children can live and which ones can die. A group of adults who can decide that they don’t like you anymore, because you don’t play by their rules,  and since they brought all the toys to to the table to play with, they have the power to take them all and go home, slamming the door behind them. A group of adults who would rather see children die, before they will allow them to be adopted into homes where they will thrive, and by thriving, embarrass them.  A group of adults who would hide the children with special needs so there can be no embarrassment, and they can all save face. Adults. Adults with power. Adults without compassion. Adults in charge of children, who are unconcerned with the best interest of those children. Adults who still think the world revolves around them and think only of themselves. Adults who have absolutely no business making decisions that affect so many abandoned children.

Once upon a time there were several children living in a very bad orphanage in an Eastern European country. I’m not naming the country, because this is happening all over the world. Children with disabilities are unacceptable; a stigma to society. They are to be hidden, and ignored. If we don’t see them, they don’t exist. They are confined to steel cages like animals, and treated like animals, fed once or twice a day, diaper changed once a day, and ignored the rest of the day. The opinion of the caregivers is that these children don’t really see, feel, experience pain, joy or suffer in any way. Sort of like “the light is on, but no one is home” mentality. They honestly believe this. So these children are hidden. On the upper floor where no one ever goes. No one is allowed up there to see the disgrace, the freaks of nature, those that should never have been born.

But one day, Jesus says “Enough!” and sends his angels down to crack open a door, and a child’s information is sent out to the adults that determine if this child can be adopted. She slips through the cracks, and an American family snatches her up! Near death, this angel arrives in the U.S. and receives healthy, nourishing food, and an overabundance of LOVE! And she starts to smile. And she eats, and she loses that gray, near death pallor, and starts to grow, physically and emotionally. And the adults back in Eastern Europe, those adults that allowed this child to slip through the cracks and escape her upper floor prison, are horrified! They are embarrassed! They don’t feel the joy and excitement that people here are feeling at the miracle this child is! She is not only alive, but she laughs and she smiles, and she loves, and is loved! How can this be? This child was nothing! How can she be something? And instead of saying, “Open the doors! There is life in these children! Find them loving families! Give them a chance! Let them bring glory to the God that created them, and bless their new families with their lives!” No, there was no joy. There was no excitement. Instead there was fear. Fear of being wrong about how worthless these children were. Fear of how “they” would look in the eyes of the world. Fear of losing face. They did not open the doors far enough. Yes, a few more of these children were given the opportunity to be released from their iron barred prisons, but not enough. And only in that very bad orphanage. Many other children were hidden again. Children from other orphanages. Children who were as yet unknown. Children who should be allowed families were hidden away. Several families asked for them and were denied. We were one of those families. Our paperwork arrived two weeks after the information about “the little girl who lived”. And the adults said “We can’t let this happen again. We cannot let a child from another orphanage slip through the cracks. If the same thing happens, we will again be embarrassed. We must hide her/them! We can open the crack in the door of the very bad orphanage a little bit wider,  because we can pretend we didn’t know what was happening. We can turn this into a huge plus for us, and we’ll  look like heros for  letting more children out. Look at us! We found out how bad this was, but we’re making it better!” Yet, at the same time, hiding many other children so there won’t be further embarrassment.

In another orphanage, far away from the very bad orphanage, lives another little girl. She has special needs the “adults” have determined are too severe to allow her to be adopted. Because she isn’t in the very bad orphanage, no one has to know she exists. She can literally be hidden. She lays in her crib, alone. If she is taken from her crib, she is left in a stroller, behind a door, facing a blank wall, alone (true witnessed story!). She is 2 1/2 years old, and deemed worthless by the adults who care for her. She is damaged goods. She has no value. She doesn’t feel anything, so she can be parked in a stroller behind her bedroom door, facing a blank wall. When she smiles at someone offering her a little kindness, those “adults” say it is nothing but an auto-response. It means nothing because she cannot feel pain, or experience joy. She is just an empty body.  Yes, these are the adults who determine whether she has enough value to deserve a family. Yes, those wonderful, loving, compassionate adults who are more concerned about saving face, not allowing children to be adopted from other orphanages because they might somehow embarrass them. Children that may thrive, and grow, and smile, and walk and talk and prove that the “adults” were wrong. NO! We cannot be wrong! Hide them! Sweep them under the rug where they can never prove that we were wrong.

I bring this injustice to your attention because it is our duty as Christians, and everyone’s duty as human beings, to stop this from continuing! Not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone single one of us can help!!

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

By doing nothing, we are no better then the adults sitting in power in Eastern Europe, playing God with children’s lives. It’s time to learn about these children and do everything we can to advocate to save them. We can no longer sit by and ignore what is happening.  Help someone with adoption expenses if you can. Get the word out to your friends and family as to what is happening to these children. Raise money to help better their lives! Do not allow another child to spend their days in a crib, or sitting in a stroller facing a blank wall.

I know this little girl has a family out there somewhere. We’ve tried desperately to bring her home to our family. In my heart she is my daughter, and we are heartbroken that she won’t be coming home to the family that wants her! That wants to love her and see her grow. I will talk about her to everyone I know until someone comes forward to be her family. Please share her story and contact me if you find them! With God, all things are possible. I am continuing our fight for this beautiful little girl, and know God can move mountains. Please pray for us and with us. We ask for prayers to win the battle. Either the battle to bring her home, or the battle to find her a family in time. We just ask for you to pray for God’s will to be done and a family to be found.

Tick tock…

The countdown begins. We may have news about Irina as early as Wednesday morning. I ask those of you who pray to please continue to do so. Our family and this beautiful little girl who is literally wasting away in an orphanage in Eastern Europe, really need all the prayers we can get. I know God is listening! 🙂

*And they lived Faithfully every after…

Every now and then you come across something that speaks to you in ways you never dreamed. I received this email today from the website “Empowered to Connect.” These words really spoke to me today and I hope they speak to you…

…And They Lived Faithfully Ever After

His Master replied, “Well done, good and faithful servant…” Matthew 25:21 (NIV)
Everyone loves a story with a happy ending It’s the stuff that best-selling books and box office hits are made of. Happy endings lift our spirits and inspire us to dream. They get us started, keep us going, and give us reason to believe.
When families adopt they too dream of living out a story with a happy ending. And well they should. After all, adoption is full of joys and blessings, and for many these experiences are the hallmarks of the journey itself.
But there’s just one problem when it comes to our enchantment with happy endings – they don’t always happen. Not in life and certainly not in adoption. Happy endings are far from guaranteed, no matter how much we pray or believe. Even if God has called you to the adoption journey, none of us are promised a fairy tale ending. And far from being a letdown or a depressing thought, this reality can, if we allow it, re-focus our hearts and minds on how God desires the story that He is writing with our lives to unfold.
As we turn the pages of our story with each new day, we discover that the story is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, unexpected lows and unimaginable highs. We quickly come to realize that it is not so much what happens to us that creates the meaning in our story, but what God is doing in and through us. And what He, not us, accomplishes ultimately determines how our story ends.
No matter where we are along the adoption journey we must remember that God’s call, God’s provision, and God’s blessing is not defined by or even reflected in our circumstances. Instead, He has called us to be faithful…and to live in the hope that is able to do so much more than we could ever ask or imagine, according to His power at work in us…until one day we stand face to face and hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” Surely that will be the happiest ending of all.
Lord, help me remember Your unending faithfulness and guide me by Your Spirit to respond faithfully in each and every moment as I travel this journey You have called me to. Amen.

*Adapted from …And They Lived Faithfully Ever After: Devotionals for Adoptive & Foster Families, due out by December 2012 from Empowered To Connect.

Intervention for Beth!

Link

Psalm 82:3-4

“Vindicate the weak and fatherless; do justice to the afflicted and destitute.  Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.”

This post is reprinted with permission from the blog of mom to 16: http://www.ourhaitianjourney.blogspot.com/2012/04/desperately-seeking.html

Desperately seeking
a family for Beth.
Are you her Mommy?
Meet Beth. Beth is 20 months old and is languishing in an orphanage in Eastern Europe. Her belly looks like it is sticking up in this picture is because they have a “donut” shaped medical dressing over the hole in her spine. Beth has Spina Bifida. Beth is in a country where she hasn’t and will not receive the necessary medical care for her open spine. In the meantime, she is on borrowed time.

Beth is tired of laying in her crib. She has to lay on her side because she can’t roll over because of the donut shaped dressing on her back that prevents her from spending time anywhere but on her side. Beth can’t sit up because she has been laying in this crib since birth and has not developed muscle strength. Beth is fed and her diaper is changed but then she is left alone without the attention she needs to develop properly. This may have been the very thing that’s saved her life.The lack of attention, affection, and “touch” may have kept the bacteria and germs away and kept her alive longer than she should have. She is here on borrowed time.

Beth has hydrocephalus like many (most) children with Spina Bifida. Beth recently had surgery to place her VP shunt. That’s a tube that goes into her brain. It goes into the ventricle to drain the extra fluid from her brain preventing brain damage. In our country VP shunts are placed in newborn babies diagnosed with hydrocephalus. They don’t wait until the children are older. It is possible that because Beth has been leaking spinal fluid from her back her brain hasn’t been as affected from the fluid that has been pooling in her brain.
The country where she’s living is willing to pay for the surgery for the VP shunt- but is NOT willing to pay for the $800 shunt. So, Beth waited, and waited and waited. Her head ached, and her spine leaked, from a huge open hole in her back. And she continues to wait for the life saving surgery to close the hole in her back.
Are you possibly Beth’s Mommy?
Are you pro life?
Who’s for Beth’s Life?
I am.
Now you know.
What can you do to help Beth?
And the countless others like her?
Update: We are hoping to raise funds to get Beth a medical visa to the USA to receive the surgery she needs to close the hole in her back. Not everyone is equipped to handle a special needs child, but EVERYONE can help a special needs child. One dollar, Five dollars, Ten dollars, One hundred dollars. Every single dollar helps this little girl. Will YOU help put a smile on this child’s face? Will YOU help this little girl get the surgery she needs and help her find her forever family? Please contact me if you will!